How to make yourself feel better

Did you know that science had proven that forcing ourselves to smile improves our mood? Various studies from as far back as the 1980s have shown that smiling to ourselves and receiving smiles from other people literally does ‘turn that frown upside down.’ Smiling can cause the heartrate to drop during otherwise stressful events and it can actually produce a more positive mindset if you force a smile (with the opposite also being true – you can make a situation feel worse by frowning). It’s also a form of connection, and studies have shown that we receive and give more support to one another when there’s a smile involved in an interaction, so one positive attitude leads to another.

But let’s be realistic about that for a minute because it’s also important to allow people to have their feelings. I can just imagine coming home from a difficult day, walking in to meet my wife, she asks me how my day was and I let out a rant like a tornado blustering through a toy village, only to be told, “oh darling, you should smile more.” I would absolutely lose my mind! It would put me in an even worse mood.

However, to be greeted with a smile when I get home is a wonderful thing, and it’s hard to stay mad when someone else is trying to share their joy with you. That’s because the primal part of our brain uses facial mirroring to form connections and social groups. Studies have shown that we imitate facial expressions in other people and even consider people who smile to be more intelligent! However, in the moment it can feel preferable to hold onto my frown because I’ve had a difficult day and it’s brought up some unpleasant feelings. But if I really think about it, if I remember this science and I allow my cheeks to lift into a grin, the chances are my mood will lift, even slightly, and allow me to either move on from my grump or to look at it with a new perspective.

There’s a difference between giving our emotions some space, acknowledging our feelings, and choosing to wallow.

In the same way a joyful outlook can be learned, so can a sombre one. We pick up cues from the people around us all the time – a sibling having a hard time through puberty, a parent having difficulty at work, friends feeling overwhelmed with coursework. If we’re not mindful of the feelings in our social circles, and don’t take care of own wellbeing, we can get pulled into the hole with other people. The simple practice of smiling to ourselves for whatever reason (the sun in shining, it’s nearly lunchtime, getting to watch TV later, looking forward to something, or even remembering something lovely that happened), can keep our mood level. Have a go.

Try listing 5-10 things you could bring to mind next time you’re in a slump which are guaranteed to make you smile.

If you’re up for another challenge, try this: Next time you’re with someone who is in a low mood, just notice what happens to your facial muscles when you interact with them. Then spot what happens to your mood. Likewise when you’re with someone who’s perky, notice if anything happens. Don’t try to change anything, just notice.

Remember, it’s important to be mindful of other people’s feelings and to give each other space to express ourselves. In order to do that it’s also important to look after ourselves. By all means, if your instinct is to mirror your friend’s frown when they’re telling you about a hard time they’re experiencing, go with that instinct and allow your face to show them that you’re listening, that you want to understand and that you’re there for them. The trick is to not carry the weight of that interaction with you after the moment – and if the time is right, you could always share this email with them so that they understand the science behind how to make ourselves feel better when we’re in a slump.

Morphise is obsessed with finding useful, practical and personalised tools to enable every young person to reach their potential and thrive. If you haven’t already signed up for one of the webinar dates to find out more about Morphise, then check out the upcoming dates.

Perhaps you have questions or comments about this post – the ways we impact on each other and how to cultivate a mindset for thriving that becomes a habit and lifestyle – feel free to get in touch. There’s lots more on this topic if you’d like to dig a little deeper.